Yesterday I experienced firsthand an amazing invention that has been around for a while. Heavy on the round.
The belly shelf.
Let me break down this complicated device for you: It’s when you use your belly as a shelf to hold stuff. To attain this ingenious device, one must acquire one of two distinguished statuses: pregnant lady or fat guy. But not just any fat guy. A fat guy that looks like a pregnant lady . I’ll let you guess which one I am.
I was at the library reading some crazy stuff on a computer. After a few words, I pulled out my phone to check something. After a successful check, I didn’t really feel like putting the phone all the way back in my pocket, so I observed my surroundings. Table? Didn’t want to put it on the table, as a text or phone call would cause a raucous racket. Keyboard? Na... That’s more for keys... All of a sudden, something caught my eye. From the depths of my perceptive field arose a large, rotund, imposing object, both terrifying and beautiful... It was flat(ish). It was accessible. It was closer than my pocket. It was my belly.
I put my phone on it. And it worked great. I even got a nice little tickle whenever I got a text. What’s not to like? It made me jealous of pregnant ladies. It also really makes me wonder what other great ideas drunkards have that aren’t being taken full advantage of.
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