Purgolfactory

I love springtime.  It is always at this point in the year where life takes on a new shape and new meaning.  Everything seems fresh, and rightfully so—many things are.  But there are a few things about spring that don’t seem fresh.  And for some reason I seem to smell them every time I walk across campus.  Especially here:

Behold!  Blossoming trees line the banks of this lovely sidewalk, creating an aesthetic masterpiece! But is it a beautiful spring visage or olfactory purgatory?  Or purgolfactory?

For some reason, the blossoms on these trees smell like something I can’t begin to describe that smells musty gross.  We will refer to them henceforth as ‘butt flowers.’  For some other reason, someone decided that these would be the ideal trees to plant all over the entirety of Provo, including the otherwise lovely campus of one Brigham Young University.  Normally, the sweet smell of spring blossoms enhances the springtime feeling of renewal.  Here, it only enhances the gag reflex.

In one of my classes we were asked which sense we would live without were we ever to be placed in a situation where we would lose one.  Smell.  Every time.  Especially with those trees.  The effect is even more overwhelming when combined with other potentially fatal scents.  Like man cologne.  The other day I was walking down this makeshift road to hell and noticed that I had a fellow traveler.  I was just on my way to class, but I quickly became aware as to why he was on the road to hell.  The dude smelled as powerful as an Abercrombie & Fitch store all by his lonesome.  The combination of his man odor with the butt flowers awoke within me the pains of a damned soul. Purgolfactory.
 

The BYU grounds crew does such a good job with most everything else.  What do you think it would take to get them to replace... oh... every tree on campus?  


But would they even stand a chance against the mighty forces of purgolfactory?