Sock it to Me

Puppets have a history of being creepy. I don’t know what it was they did to deserve that. Maybe it’s their knack for being creepy. I guess some puppets are fine, but they move all unnaturally so uncanny valley and there’s maybe a weird eccentric person behind ‘bringing them to life’ and they might smell or murder or something.

Whatever it is, puppets aren’t generally a highly sought after thing. Unless!

• you’re going for something creepy
• you’re kind of a creepy homie
• you’re celebrating something creepy

Turns out, recently, we celebrated a holiday that!

• celebrates creepy crap
• encourages creepy peep(ie)s
• makes people… go for? creepy things!

It’s called the ‘Ween. Maybe you’ve heard of it. You may have even Hallowed it. I know I did. And how did I? By becoming a puppet, of course.

Cue more Arts & Crafts!

Perhaps you know a thing or two, and either that thing or one of those things is about my blog or personal history. If this is the case, please learn more things or use your allotted things on more important things to know! In the past, I have made Halloween costumes. In the same past, I have written about them on this blog. In the present, I am doing the same. In the near near (SO NEAR) future, you will read about it, unless you decide to go somewhere else on the internet, or in real life, and don’t take this blog with you. Otherwise, come on a journey with me.

Ideum

The first step in all of this was to come up with an idea worth sharing--you know, something Upworthy could get behind. To do this, I thought and eventually had things enter my brain. One of the things to enter my brain was this:

Another thing was this:

Odd. Amusing. Relatively simple. Let's give it a whirl.

Plans or something

The next step was coming up with a plan for making it. I listed the materials that I would need, and then obtained said materials. What I ended up needing:

• sock-looking fabric
• really big buttons
• something hairy
• I think that's it

Not a lot of things! I went to Hobby Lobby (which isn’t even just a lobby lol) and looked at a million things. Then I bought like 4 of them.

Creationism

Now that I had all of the things for making, it was time to make. First I took the fabric, folded it in half, and sewed 3 of the sides to make a giant pocket. I trimmed the corners to get rid of excess fabric and flipped it inside-out. And thus the fabric became like a giant sock.

Attachments

Now to attach things to it. I took some of the stringy goodness I got at HL and basically just used it like giant string. I sewed on the buttons (that I had previously painted) without the benefit a giant needle, which makes sewing much more difficult. Once the buttons were on, it was time to coif. I sewed a string down the middle of the puppet’s head and then tied one side of a bunch more strings around that string. I dangled the untied sides in every conceivable direction. Just like I do with my own hair. I applied the finishing touch by painting a couple of lines on the bottom to complete the illusion of tube sock.

Curvaceous

Once I had crafted everything, I tried it on. Turns out human bodies are not really shaped like human hands. When putting on the sock, it draped over my body in such a way that… it didn’t resemble a sock puppet. It was more like a cactus with no arms, or a delicious creamsicle, or cauliflower.

To replicate the flat top of a sock puppet, I stuffed a pillow inside the sock and balanced it on my head. That gave the sock the necessary shape to create the illusion of puppetry. Then I punched a hole in the mouth area for seeing, and I was set.

And voila!

A giant

creepy

socky

puppet.

This ended up being a very uncomplicated costume, except for the getting everything situated. The inexactness of the pillow placement and having to balance it made it kind of an endeavor to get everything in its right place. But once it was all aligned, it looked as good as I had hoped. One downside to the costume was HEAT. The material I ended up getting for the sock was fleece. I wore a pillow on my head. I give off HEAT. All that heat just stayed inside the sock with me. Stewing in my own funk. Mercy me it got so hot.

On the contrary, a cool thing about the costume was: anonymity! I went to a friend’s Halloween gathering. At said gathering, I maybe knew 3 or 4 people. Everyone else met me as a giant sock puppet. I got to have conversations with several people that had no idea what I looked like. There was something fun and liberating about that. Be anonymous. It’s good for your self esteem.

Polish

I’ve often been told throughout my life that I can be anything I put my mind to. After a number and variety of crippling failures, I’ve come to face the bitter reality that that’s simply not true. *sob* Give me a minute…

*clears throat* But I have found a loophole, and, after all, that’s what life is all about: finding loopholes so we can continue to justify living and believing how and what we want instead of facing reality. The loophole in question is Halloween. Every year, on this purportedly hallowed ween, you can be, if just for one night, whatever is within the reach of your imagination and means...

Cue another edition of Arts & Crafts!

I love me some Halloween action. Mostly because I love coming up with and making my costume. If you’re brave enough to peruse my blog (MostlySFW), you’ll find ghosts of Halloween Past. Not specifically ghosts, but costumes. My blog is not haunted. (probably) Most years, I think up my costume early, like sometimes by the summertime sometime. This year was a bit later, but I’m happy with how it turned out. My costume? A totem pole. Would you like to see how I made it? Step into my office.

Prep work

Research. For those who don’t know, totem poles are structures carved from trees by indigenous peoples of the Pacific Northwest.

They were created usually to commemorate legends, beliefs, lineages, or notable events. I am indigenous to the Pacific Northwest. And in seeking to create my costume and continue my Halloween tradition, I was commemorating both a legend and a lineage of Halloween costumes which came before. I found this very fitting, like hopefully my costume would be.

From a design standpoint, totem poles usually consist of a pole and totems. These totems are groups of figures or characters stacked one upon another, forming a tower of sorts. The most prominent feature of each figure is the face. Sometimes the face is the only feature of each character that is displayed. They also boast some sweet designs and accoutrements. Therefore:

Pole position

The first thing I had to do was give myself the illusion of a pole. Poles are like this    l     . Humans are more like this o-+––< My body is kind of like a pole, but then I have all of these pesky limbs and stuff that totally throw it off. So to reestablish polarity, I had to sever my limbs. Metaphorically. In reality, I just had to fuse all of me together. Instant pole.

To do this, I bought a fabric in which to swaddle myself. When wrapped properly, the fabric hid the fact that I have separate legs; when I was done, no one would have suspected it. To add to the totemnity of my pole, I looked for a fabric that sported a Native American-inspired design. And I found one:

Personal totems

On a totem pole, the next definingest feature to the poles is the totems. Totems in most cases are faces. Totems in this case would also be faces. My face, to be exact.

I stood in the bathroom and took a series of pictures of myself, like a teenage girl. I made a different face in each one, unlike a teenage girl. Once I had gotten a gaggle of faces that I found satisfactory, I took them to a local print shop to have them printed off. Before doing so, I asked the deskman how frequently people printed off weird things there. Deskman told me that people did it all the time. I don’t know if she was being honest or if she just wanted me to print them off so she could laugh at whatever came out. I left that shop with a stack of papers with my own face on them.

I cut out my faces, which was a surreal and terrifying experience. After regaining a sense of reality, and once decapitated from the paper, I attached the faces down my front at equally-spaced intervals.

Wing thing

A stylistic element I added was wings. Some totem poles have wings, and I’ve always wanted wings. To create the wings, I bought poster board and markers that resembled wings. I then did a little bit of research on Native American designs, and began to draw and color and cut. After a while, a finished product was finished.

I detached my arms from the rest of my body and used an ancient Native American technique to attach the wings to my detached arms (tape).

Accoutrements

To emphasize my Native Americanness, I found a few more accessories. First was a ribbon with a pattern. I used it as a headband and wristbands. 

Next was a thing. I don’t know what to call it. But it is a thing that looks like this:

We'll call it a dangle strip. I attached these around my ankles. Last but not least was a cheap pair of moccasin slippers.

Totem Pole

And the final totem pole:

This is me as a totem pole. 

I enjoyed this costume thoroughly. Only a few caveats: It was hard to go anywhere when outfitted as a pole. Poles have/are just one leg, which makes it impossible to walk by definition. This particular pole had wings. But they were fake wings, which meant no flying. On top of that, they make it quite difficult to grip and maneuver a steering wheel. If you've ever had wings before, you know what I'm talking about. Also, people try to carve things into you. Whether it was their initials or those of their significant other or both in a mathematical equation of sorts, I was never keen on the idea and had to disappoint several times. But aside from that, being a pole is cool. Sometimes people wouldn’t know which face to talk to, but that can be seen as a plus. If ever I said something inappropriate or awkward, there was always another face to blame. Also if I needed to escape any other socially-tense situations, I could just assume pole position and people would think I was an actual totem pole. Finely crafted.

And when all was said and done, wings make a nice addition to any and all home decor.

Native Americans know.