Thom Martin

Oh, what's this? Oh just a picture I found on the internet. Yeah just the frontman of my favorite band coddling what looks to be the same-ish guitar I just purchased. See the resemblance?

Manifest destiny.

Grammar Detective, pt. 1

Recently, I was reading. As the words passed through my brain, one particular combination caused a brain clog. Such was the nature of the unpleasantry that I had to fix the clog. The phrase was:

‘hold my own’

Examples:  I can hold my own in cage fights with wolverines. My roommate holds his own when he’s pixie dancing.

Hold my own? Hold my own what? What does that even mean?

As I researched the phrase, I found things. But they didn’t satisfy. They didn’t make semantic or morphologic sense. I was left empty. So empty…

But then my brain unclogged a bit, and I was able to think. Maybe I was going about this all wrong. Maybe I was missing some key factor. Since the phrase didn’t make sense as presently constituted, perhaps there was a previous constitution that made lots of sense—a sense factory, if you will. Maybe the phrase had changed over time. But from what? Since an own or one’s own is not something that can have an action done thereunto, I decided to investigate this first. The only logical explanation is that the original phrase employed some different manifestation of ‘own,’ a different spelling maybe.

Whilst preserving the phonetic purity of the word, the only other spelling I’ve found is ‘Oanh,’ a Vietnamese surname. Therefore, the phrase, written, is actually ‘hold my Oanh,’ which is to hold this:

Maybe it's a holdover from the war. Maybe it was coined to engender interracial appreciation. Maybe it's a phrase of endearment. By all means, it doesn’t make sense.  ...logically. But it does make perfect sense semantically and morphologically, and the primary purpose of language is semantics. Therefore semantic accuracy is always the goal, and can always be used to sort out confusing linguistic conundrums. Personally, I think it better not to make an Oanh one's own, let alone hold one. But to each his Oanh.

Polish

I’ve often been told throughout my life that I can be anything I put my mind to. After a number and variety of crippling failures, I’ve come to face the bitter reality that that’s simply not true. *sob* Give me a minute…

*clears throat* But I have found a loophole, and, after all, that’s what life is all about: finding loopholes so we can continue to justify living and believing how and what we want instead of facing reality. The loophole in question is Halloween. Every year, on this purportedly hallowed ween, you can be, if just for one night, whatever is within the reach of your imagination and means...

Cue another edition of Arts & Crafts!

I love me some Halloween action. Mostly because I love coming up with and making my costume. If you’re brave enough to peruse my blog (MostlySFW), you’ll find ghosts of Halloween Past. Not specifically ghosts, but costumes. My blog is not haunted. (probably) Most years, I think up my costume early, like sometimes by the summertime sometime. This year was a bit later, but I’m happy with how it turned out. My costume? A totem pole. Would you like to see how I made it? Step into my office.

Prep work

Research. For those who don’t know, totem poles are structures carved from trees by indigenous peoples of the Pacific Northwest.

They were created usually to commemorate legends, beliefs, lineages, or notable events. I am indigenous to the Pacific Northwest. And in seeking to create my costume and continue my Halloween tradition, I was commemorating both a legend and a lineage of Halloween costumes which came before. I found this very fitting, like hopefully my costume would be.

From a design standpoint, totem poles usually consist of a pole and totems. These totems are groups of figures or characters stacked one upon another, forming a tower of sorts. The most prominent feature of each figure is the face. Sometimes the face is the only feature of each character that is displayed. They also boast some sweet designs and accoutrements. Therefore:

Pole position

The first thing I had to do was give myself the illusion of a pole. Poles are like this    l     . Humans are more like this o-+––< My body is kind of like a pole, but then I have all of these pesky limbs and stuff that totally throw it off. So to reestablish polarity, I had to sever my limbs. Metaphorically. In reality, I just had to fuse all of me together. Instant pole.

To do this, I bought a fabric in which to swaddle myself. When wrapped properly, the fabric hid the fact that I have separate legs; when I was done, no one would have suspected it. To add to the totemnity of my pole, I looked for a fabric that sported a Native American-inspired design. And I found one:

Personal totems

On a totem pole, the next definingest feature to the poles is the totems. Totems in most cases are faces. Totems in this case would also be faces. My face, to be exact.

I stood in the bathroom and took a series of pictures of myself, like a teenage girl. I made a different face in each one, unlike a teenage girl. Once I had gotten a gaggle of faces that I found satisfactory, I took them to a local print shop to have them printed off. Before doing so, I asked the deskman how frequently people printed off weird things there. Deskman told me that people did it all the time. I don’t know if she was being honest or if she just wanted me to print them off so she could laugh at whatever came out. I left that shop with a stack of papers with my own face on them.

I cut out my faces, which was a surreal and terrifying experience. After regaining a sense of reality, and once decapitated from the paper, I attached the faces down my front at equally-spaced intervals.

Wing thing

A stylistic element I added was wings. Some totem poles have wings, and I’ve always wanted wings. To create the wings, I bought poster board and markers that resembled wings. I then did a little bit of research on Native American designs, and began to draw and color and cut. After a while, a finished product was finished.

I detached my arms from the rest of my body and used an ancient Native American technique to attach the wings to my detached arms (tape).

Accoutrements

To emphasize my Native Americanness, I found a few more accessories. First was a ribbon with a pattern. I used it as a headband and wristbands. 

Next was a thing. I don’t know what to call it. But it is a thing that looks like this:

We'll call it a dangle strip. I attached these around my ankles. Last but not least was a cheap pair of moccasin slippers.

Totem Pole

And the final totem pole:

This is me as a totem pole. 

I enjoyed this costume thoroughly. Only a few caveats: It was hard to go anywhere when outfitted as a pole. Poles have/are just one leg, which makes it impossible to walk by definition. This particular pole had wings. But they were fake wings, which meant no flying. On top of that, they make it quite difficult to grip and maneuver a steering wheel. If you've ever had wings before, you know what I'm talking about. Also, people try to carve things into you. Whether it was their initials or those of their significant other or both in a mathematical equation of sorts, I was never keen on the idea and had to disappoint several times. But aside from that, being a pole is cool. Sometimes people wouldn’t know which face to talk to, but that can be seen as a plus. If ever I said something inappropriate or awkward, there was always another face to blame. Also if I needed to escape any other socially-tense situations, I could just assume pole position and people would think I was an actual totem pole. Finely crafted.

And when all was said and done, wings make a nice addition to any and all home decor.

Native Americans know.

What We've All Been Searching For

I recently hit a blogular milestone: One of my posts got to 1000 views. So popular, on the internet. It only took 2 years' time to accomplish, which rounds out to almost 1.4 views per day, 41 per month. So so popular.

Intrigued by such astounding popularity, I got to noticing and I noticed that of my other blog posts, my next nearest one was only at about 400 views, which rounded out to significantly less views per day. This math astounded me and I told it to get out of my life. More research led me to find that the way most people came across the aforementioned post wasn’t because I was cool or because of my writing style or because anyone cares about my existence. It was because people search for things on the internet. My blog is on the internet and it contains things. Therefore, from time to time, particular searches led them to particular blog.

After emerging from a deep and dreary depression, I needed to know what searches made this particular post so popular. I found that people like and/or are afraid of gingers.  Redhead festival, red head festival, red hair festival, ginger head, and scrawny ginger were the most common searches to present my blog to the unsuspecting public.  I don’t know what people were hoping to find in searching such things, but that’s not important. What’s important, as every blogger knows, is views.  Viieeewwwwzz.

If you know me, you know that I am aware of the existence of science (!) .  So. In my ongoing search for knowledge and popularity and acceptance on the internet, I have decided to increase my view total by x using science (!) . I’m going to link to pictures and sites of highly searched things so that people will look at my blog. After all, no one cares about actual meaningful content. They just want the juicy bits. So here are some bits and I think they’re juicy. We’ll see how long this one takes to hit 1000 in comparison to the other one.  Should you feel the need to sign some sort of permission form before participating in this study, here is one, just after the fact. Just print it off and send it to me. Now on to the juice:

Justin Bieber

Miley Cyrus

Obama

Obamacare

Hot women

Kardashian

iPhone News

http://www.macrumors.com/iphone/



BCS

http://www.bcsfootball.org/


Super Bowl

http://www.nfl.com/superbowl/48


Super Bowl Commercials

http://www.superbowl-commercials.org/


Political Unrest in the Middle East

http://content.time.com/time/specials/packages/0,28757,2045328,00.html



Funny Cat Pictures

http://www.funnycatpix.com/



International Law

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_law



The Migratory Patterns of Caribou

http://www.beingcaribou.com/beingcaribou/backg/mig.htm



Quantum Physics and Yoga

http://www.quantumyoga.com/quantum-yoga/quantum-physics/



How to train bumble bees

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hymenoptera_training



Medieval Recipes

http://medievalcookery.com/recipes/



Star Wars Origami

http://www.starwarigami.co.uk/diagrams-by-others.html



Where exactly Waldo is

http://whereswaldo.com/index.html#home



The secrets of ancient alchemy

http://gizmodo.com/meet-the-man-who-decodes-the-ancient-secrets-of-alchemy-633187520



How to get married on World of Warcraft

http://voices.yahoo.com/want-married-world-warcraft-206624.html?cat=41



The Irrelevance of the Presentist/Eternalist Debate for the Ontology of Minkowski Spacetime

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1871177406010059



Kissing Tips


http://voices.yahoo.com/how-kiss-well-ten-very-good-tips-219292.html

I think that pretty well covers it. Bring on the science and the viiewwszz.

I've Been Away, Pt. 3

This will simply be my overall impression of the trip, 4 months after the trip:  Amazing, to say the least. But I never say the least. Not on the internet.

One thing that I really enjoyed was getting to know a different part of the country. My first visit saw me spend the vast majority of my time in the capital of Santo Domingo, which is in the south-central Dominican Republic. This time I was stationed in the north. When people hear I’ve been to the DR, the first thing that usually comes to mind is the beaches–they ask me how they were. For the longest time, I’ve had to tell people I didn’t know; beaches do not line the entire island, and there aren’t many nice beaches close to my side of the capital. But this time, si. The north is where some of the most beautiful beaches in the country are located, and I got to go see them with my very own eyeballs–I’ve never been one to borrow eyeballs. My eyeballs tell me that they look just as nice as the postcards in real life, if not better. The north also boasts many mountainous regions–which are also quite beautiful–, and a much more laid-back approach to life. All of these things dieron gusto.

Another thing I found to my interest was getting to know different aspects of the country and culture–specifically education. My first trip was fairly focused in purpose, and the education system was not on the ledger. This time, my trip was also focused. But education was on the ledger. It made up the entirety of the ledger, being the ledger. I’m going to look up the definition of ledger to make sure I’m using it correctly.     Yup. It was interesting to see the role that education played in the lives of many of the people I came in contact with, and to see the ways in which its administration was failing or helping them. Growing up, I was immersed in an education system. I was not, however, savvy to its structure or mechanics. As I grew, I did not become much more aware. But going somewhere where something you grew up with is completely different makes you think about it. So I thought more about educational systems in general: what makes them, what makes them effective, inefficiencies, etc. All of this helped me to understand the people and culture more, as well as my own. All of this dio gusto.

Another aspect of the country that I got my first real taste for/of was that of tourism. Being with the beaches made for a much different experience. Living in Cabarete was very different from living in Santo Domingo. Suffice it to say that, although I was not a tourist, I felt very much like one. And that got me thinking about tourism and its effects on… well, lots of things. Tourism can be good in the sense that it tends to help the economy of a country or area. Tourism can be bad in the sense that it can harm the culture of a country or area. When one’s economic livelihood is dependent on a particular demographic, one caters to said demographic–this is a concept that is at the very heart of capitalism. Industries like tourism tend to be focused on economic and not sociological factors. Sociological factors, however, continue to exist and be affected, whether they be taken into consideration or not. It was interesting to me to consider the ways in which local tourism affected specific aspects of the life and culture there. Having experienced Dominican life outside of a tourist hotspot, it wasn’t difficult to recognize the differences.

I guess having new and swell experiences was the major theme of and takeaway from this trip. Again, living in Cabarete was different than living in Santo Domingo. In some ways, this made me a little bit sad. But mostly because my time in Santo Domingo was so great. I don’t know if I was expecting or even wanting it to be a very similar experience, but it differed in a lot of ways. However, the difference gives me reason to love and be thankful for both. In Santo Domingo, I got to live the life of a Dominican:  I lived in typical Dominican neighborhoods, among typical Dominican folk. I would have an apartment that was of the same quality and on the same streets as the Dominicans that lived there. We shopped at the same places, used the same transport, ate the same stuff, walked the same roads, lived with them in their circumstance. Naturally there were some differences, but for most intents and purposes, I was integrated. I loved that, because it gave me a pure and unadulterated look into these people’s lives. Coupled with the fact that we would go and speak and eat with them in their homes, etc., I feel like that was living the life of a Dominican–that was getting a true taste of the culture. At least as much as an American pelirojo can. In Cabarete, I got to relax and explore a little bit more. I spent a month in one of the windsurfing capitals of the world. I stayed in a relatively nice hotel. Most days, there was hot water. I got to appreciate the breathtaking beauty of the country. I worked with students and teachers in their schools and learned about the educational system that governed their early lives. I got to haggle and explore and seek more personal and intellectual pursuits.  I got to adventure. In both places, I worked towards something that was extremely meaningful to me. I met some of the best people. I got to know new places and new things about a new culture. I got frustrated and I learned and I grew.

The DREAM Project is a cute acronym for a non-profit organization. At first, I thought it to be a little cheesy. But after having participated, it truly was a dream come true. It really does help and capacitate these kids to rise above what can seem like a difficult and insurmountable circumstance. And even from a purely personal and self-centered perspective, it was a beautiful and surreal experience–one that, in ways, can help me to rise above difficult circumstances all my own. Dream on, you crazy dreamers.

I've Been Away, pt. 2

Meaning is subjective. There are certain circumstances which hint at particular or common meanings, but ultimately, the meaning (or lack thereof) that we draw from any given _______ is pretty up to us. Because of its subjectivity, meaning can be found in just about anything. Even in cases where it might not inherently be present, the simple act of exploring possible meaning can reveal valuable insights and perspectives. I like to look for meaning in things. In my trip to the Dominican Republic, I did things. I chose to look for meaning therein, and this is what I found:

Education/Helping

Nelson Mandela once said, “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” To an uneducated mind, referring to education as a weapon might be confusing. “edjikashun ain’t no sword” might go the refrain. True, uneducated person, but the pen is mightier than the sword, and pens are educational. Sometimes uneducated people don’t learn similes or metaphors. However, educated people learn things, and learned things become a weapon in the arsenal of learned people. Metaphorically. Hopefully not literally.

I ‘recently’ took a class on the wide variety of cultures in America. An eye-opening theme that was discussed at length was that of poverty and educational inequality. Educational opportunities can literally make a world of difference for their recipient. It was this realization that made we want to get involved in the DREAM Project in the first place. Their aim is essentially to provide these opportunities to youth and communities who wouldn’t receive them otherwise. This, to me, is meaningful, and something that I wanted to be a part of. It was inspiring to be able to interact with these kids and hope to influence their attitudes towards and capacity for educational progression. It also helped instill within me a new appreciation for something that sometimes seems like a burden. It is not uncommon for us to under-appreciate something until it’s gone, or, perhaps more accurately, until we witness the circumstance created by its absence. Witness I did, and appreciate I do.

New Relationships

Relationships are pretty cool, and are sufficiently valuable. While on my trip, I met people. Throughout the whole experience, I was able to establish relationships with these people. They all taught me and made my time there incoherently enjoyable. I couldn’t have asked to have been put with a better group of co-counselors, and the kids were the best. Although I was basically in a position as a teaching assistant, I feel like so much more of my time was spent learning, and much of that came from my interactions with others.

Old Relationships

Pop quiz:

I have been to the Dominican Republic:

a.) before

b.) , not

c.) .

If you guessed/asserted a and/or c, you are correct. For the purpose of this section, a is more accurate, and more telling. Before this summer, I had been to the Dominican Republic. Several years ago, I was called to the Dominican Republic as a missionary for my church. 

I spent two years there, getting to know people, serving them, and sharing a message I find of utmost importance. Just as it did this time around, spending that time working towards something meaningful resulted in some treasured relationships. Once I found out I would be returning, I contacted many of these people and was able to arrange to meet up with them after DREAM was over. Seeing them again resulted in some of the happier moments I've ever had. I also was able to go back and revisit a number of significant places from my past. Even if it was for a short while, these places were my home. I was able to walk the same streets, see the same sights, and feel similar feelings. 

It literally was a dream come true, and I’ll discuss why a bit more in the following section.

Revisiting the past

Sometimes, balance is difficult to find. Recently, for me, this has been a matter of learning from and appreciating the past while not living in it. However, while in the DR this summer, and especially after camp was over, I had no problem re-living the past.

Ever since having returned from the Dominican Republic the first time, I’ve wanted to go back. Badly. My first trip there has been the most influential period in my life to this point. When I touched down in Puerto Plata, I couldn’t believe I was back. As I rode to my hotel, passing so many familiar sights and sounds, it started to dawn on me. After spending a couple of weeks there, it felt like I hadn’t really ever left. In a lot of ways, returning physically allowed me to mentally and emotionally return to a time and mindset that were invaluable to me. As proposed above, sometimes we don’t know what we have until it’s gone. In this instance, I didn’t know what I had until I was gone. After having left the first time, I was able to more fully realize what this place truly meant to me, because of and in addition to what I had experienced there. Experiencing all of those same sights and sounds meant so much more this time around, as it was accompanied by an appreciation and gratitude that set what might seem plain apart as something special--something meaningful. And that’s what made my visit great: time travel. A lot of people say that they would love to live certain periods of their lives over again if they could do so knowing what they know now. And I got the chance to do that. Maybe not exactly, when it comes to the details, but in a way that was probably a bit more meaningful considering the stage of life that I’m currently at. Because of that, I have a bit of new experience to add to the old, and together they form something that makes me pero muy feliz.

I've Been Away, pt. 1

As many of you may be aware, I spent some time away recently.

As all of you are now aware, I spent some time away recently. Where? Well hold onto those proverbial horses and butts and I’ll tell you!

This summer, I had the privilege of taking part in a program called The DREAM Project. In short, the DREAM Project is an organization that provides greater educational opportunities for underprivileged youth in the Dominican Republic. I had an amazing time and learned so much. Would you like to hear about it?! Seeing as how I can’t hear you, and by the time you read this it will have already been written, I’ll tell you how it’s going to be:  I’ll be writing a 3-part series on my experience with mi gente in the DR.

PART 1:  Adventure Time

The Dominican Republic is well-known for being a locale chock-full of tourist attractions. This seems appropriate, because there are plenty of attractive things with which to fill a chock. And while I wasn’t there for touristic purposes, I still found many of these destinations quite attractive. During evenings and on the weekends, we were free to roam. Roam I did, and I got the opportunity to do some amazing things.

The only issue is that, sometimes, when you’re doing amazing things, you’re not documenting amazing things. O sea, when your hands are full of adventure, your hands are not full of a camera. Whether it was because I was alone, just too focused on other things, or because of activity-specific circumstances, I wasn’t able to get pictures of myself doing a lot of the fun things I did while there. But, ne’er to be outdone by a chain of actual events, I turned to the world of fantasy. Below, I have listed some of the fun and touristy things I got to do while on my trip. Along with each activity, I have a short description, along with some pictures.  While not necessarily historically accurate, the pictures are representative of the experiences in every other way imaginable, and can give you an idea of what happened throughout history.

Let’s start off with a bang. Probably the coolest adventuresome thing I got to do was tour los 27 charcos de Damajagua. 27 charcos is a series of natural pools that have been carved out of limestone by the Río Damajagua in the mountains of the Northern Dominican Republic. Each of these pools is connected by said río. Because of the nature of the rock, there were bunches and bunches of natural water slides and waterfalls. Our tour, then, consisted of traveling down the mountain by way of the río, often having to do so by sliding down the water slides, cliff jumping, and swimming down corridors of natural limestone formations. So cool:

If that doesn’t do it justice, there are plenty of videos on YouTube of people who filmed it.

Near our hotel, there were some caves that led to underground pools. After being led into the jungle by a man I’d never met before and climbing through a small hole into pitch blackness, we climbed down a rusty unsafe ladder into an underground cave. There was a small landing surrounded by crystal clear, cool water. The clearness actually made it a little creepy, as you could see faint shadows and forms at the bottom of the ~10 foot deep pool. So many things could have been living in there. So many things... But we all survived and I don't have any diseases yet. Despite it being midday, we had to light candles while down in the cave to be able to see. Romantic underground swims by candlelight: So hot right now.

As one might expect, the beaches were amazing. They made good for several activities. At beautiful Sosua beach, some diving and exploration was done, in the fashion of snorkeling. Even when the water was about 40 feet deep, the ocean floor could be seen clearly from the surface.

We also stuck around for some gorgeous sunsets.

At another nearby beach, I got to try surfing for the first time. I got up on my first attempt, with the help of a muscular Dominican man who did all the work for me.

At our local beach, every Thursday night, there was a volleyball tournament; my roommate and I and some random beach tarts won exactly once.

And beaches are always good for long walks and introspection.

But it wasn’t just the beaches that would take your breath away. A short drive from the coastline, there were rolling mountains, covered in palm trees. Drives and walks in the countryside also made for majestic serenity.

For our final dinner, we drove down to where a prominent river in the DR meets the Atlantic Ocean. From there, we took a boat ride up the river at sunset to a local eatery thing.

Upon arrival, there was a dance competition, in which I participated. Despite our strongest efforts, my partner and I did not win.

I also made time for intellectual and cultural pursuits.  I was able to visit the Colonial Zone of Santo Domingo, which is where some of the first settlements of the New World were made. This is a picture of Catedral Primada de América, the first church built in the Western Hemisphere.

We visited a museum in Santiago, where we were able to analyze great works of art.

And monuments.

A lot of my time was spent in and in between cities.  Most traveling was done in guaguas, which were always very crowded.

I also rode my very first motoconcho [after camp was over, of course, in case management is reading ;) ]

For longer trips, I chose the comfort of Caribe Tours.

...unless it was too long, or over water, as was the case when I left the country. First was a layover in Puerto Rico.

Then, my favorite Mariners just happened to be playing in Florida about the time I was headed back, so I stopped at Tropicana Field in St. Petersburg to catch a game before eventually heading back to good old Washington.

Adventure after adventure, ad nauseum. Such nauseum. Such a good time. And again, although that wasn’t the reason I was there, I got to participate in some pretty amazing activities and I’m grateful to have been able to go.

Speaking of why I was actually there: next up in the series will be a recap of some of the more meaningful things I got to do while I was there. While seemingly not as adventurous, there were plenty of adventures to be had. And oh, I had them.