Integration

Lately I have been doing some thinking.  A lot of it has revolved around thoughts that I’ve had.  Thoughts about people.  And togetherness.  And with the proximity of Valentine’s Day, I thought that now would be an appropriate time to explore them a little further.

I must confess that I lied a little bit in my last post.  Despite my claim, I do possess some relationships.  Most of them are good, and I have a handful that I value greatly.  These are not romantic relationships, but simply relations I hold with people I hold in high esteem.  But no matter the disposition of the relationship, most maintain a similar makeup, as well as similar risks and benefits.

Aristotle described humans as “the social animal.”  There’s much about this brief description that rings true.  I am currently taking a Social Psychology class and it is extremely interesting to me to learn about human interaction and the role it plays in our lives, our moods, and our decisions.  I am also taking a Health Psychology class and it’s equally interesting to see how relationships affect our overall health.  Most in the field of health care today accept a biopsychosocial model of health, which claims that our well-being is not only a factor of our biological and psychological functioning, but also the quality of our social interactions with others.  Psychologists generally describe this integrative part of our nature as an inherent need to belong—to interact with others and form meaningful, enduring relationships.

But what is it exactly that makes us this way?  It seems clear that a large motivator for our relational fervor lies in the necessary propagation of the human species.  But even when putting that to the side, there is something that runs much deeper in human relationships—a fact to which anyone who has experienced any kind of meaningful affinity with another can readily attest.  This is manifest in even the most basic of interactions:  How many have had the experience where you’ve been having a bad day and a smile, kind word, text, phone call, or act of kindness has completely changed your outlook, mood, or behavior?  Why is that?  How do these simple interactions have power to instantly change our temperament?  And if acts as simple as these can change our attitude, what can be the influence of more constant and intimate interactions?

I guess the main reason that I wanted to write about this is that my own experiences with the subject have been on the forefront of my consciousness as of late.  That’s a pointlessly complicated way of repeating that I’ve been thinking a lot about it.  Sometimes you meet people that change your life.  Other times, it’s more like a downright takeover.  The people that we choose to spend our time with affect us.  A lot.  Often, their thoughts, opinions, ideals and characteristics become our own through adoption.  This process can take effect without us even really being aware; it can also be in form an abnegation, both conscientious and willing.  Either way, I have had the privilege of seeing it work very effectively, both personally and externally, both positively and negatively.  For me, (thankfully) it has mostly been positive.  The relationships I have formed with the people who have influenced me the most have essentially resulted in me learning the things I hold most dear.  In a way, these people really did take over my life in the sense that their influence and the ideals they have shared with me (intentionally or not) are ever helping me to see and achieve the kind of life that I want to live.  Some people just make you want to be better and make you feel like you can be; they bring out the best in you, even though you can’t necessarily explain why.  Their simple presence in your life invites clarity, faculty, dedication, and simplicity that were previously lacking.  Sometimes we’re blessed to find people that fit us inexplicably well—those that fill in the little cracks in our person and are able to interact with us in a manner that is most meaningful and/or similar to our own, or to that which we need.  And even if they don’t end up being there forever, the impact they had often will be.  

In the long run, relationships are the most important things we will ever have.  There is something that is more fulfilling and meaningful about the relationships we develop than any other success or activity we can encounter—likely because the results of these efforts are important in a way that runs deeper than other successes.  When you influence a life for the better, you literally change someone’s world.  There isn’t really much that can compare with that, especially for them.  And I can attest to that personally.  

In this season of lovey doveys, and before my fine-fettled Irish kindred overtake the holiday spotlight, I simply wanted to give my personal seal of approval to uplifting relationships.  They are off the proverbial chain.  I also would like to encourage the seeking out of, the finding of ourselves in, the propagation of, and the expression of gratitude for uplifting relationships.  I think as we prepare and seek for them, we find them, and they end up being something beautiful.  Because chances are, (and as cheesy as it sounds) when you find those great fits, in some way and for some reason, they will need you just as much as you need them.  And once you’ve found something of the like, do what you have to to keep it.  Do a lil sumthin sumthin to thank people who have inspired you.  These are not common nor trivial things to have.  If you don’t appreciate it while you have it, you’ll learn to when it’s gone.  All in all, relationships are an integral part of our human experience—an experience that is optimized as we learn to integrate our own with the ones of those around us.