Showing posts with label crunk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crunk. Show all posts

Friday, December 18, 2015

Sock it to Me

Puppets have a history of being creepy. I don’t know what it was they did to deserve that. Maybe it’s their knack for being creepy. I guess some puppets are fine, but they move all unnaturally so uncanny valley and there’s maybe a weird eccentric person behind ‘bringing them to life’ and they might smell or murder or something.


Whatever it is, puppets aren’t generally a highly sought after thing. Unless!


  • you’re going for something creepy
  • you’re kind of a creepy homie
  • you’re celebrating something creepy



Turns out, recently, we celebrated a holiday that!


  • celebrates creepy crap
  • encourages creepy peep(ie)s
  • makes people… go for? creepy things!



It’s called the ‘Ween. Maybe you’ve heard of it. You may have even Hallowed it. I know I did. And how did I? By becoming a puppet, of course.


Cue more Arts & Crafts!


Perhaps you know a thing or two, and either that thing or one of those things is about my blog or personal history. If this is the case, please learn more things or use your allotted things on more important things to know! In the past, I have made Halloween costumes. In the same past, I have written about them on this blog. In the present, I am doing the same. In the near near (SO NEAR) future, you will read about it, unless you decide to go somewhere else on the internet, or in real life, and don’t take this blog with you. Otherwise, come on a journey with me.


Ideum


The first step in all of this was to come up with an idea worth sharing--you know, something Upworthy could get behind. To do this, I thought and eventually had things enter my brain. One of the things to enter my brain was this:



Another thing was this:





Odd. Amusing. Relatively simple. Let's give it a whirl.


Plans or something


The next step was coming up with a plan for making it. I listed the materials that I would need, and then obtained said materials. What I ended up needing:

  • sock-looking fabric
  • really big buttons
  • something hairy
  • I think that's it



Not a lot of things! I went to Hobby Lobby (which isn’t even just a lobby lol) and looked at a million things. Then I bought like 4 of them.


Creationism


Now that I had all of the things for making, it was time to make. First I took the fabric, folded it in half, and sewed 3 of the sides to make a giant pocket. I trimmed the corners to get rid of excess fabric and flipped it inside-out. And thus the fabric became like a giant sock.












Attachments


Now to attach things to it. I took some of the stringy goodness I got at HL and basically just used it like giant string. I sewed on the buttons (that I had previously painted) without the benefit a giant needle, which makes sewing much more difficult. Once the buttons were on, it was time to coif. I sewed a string down the middle of the puppet’s head and then tied one side of a bunch more strings around that string. I dangled the untied sides in every conceivable direction. Just like I do with my own hair. I applied the finishing touch by painting a couple of lines on the bottom to complete the illusion of tube sock.


Curvaceous


Once I had crafted everything, I tried it on. Turns out human bodies are not really shaped like human hands. When putting on the sock, it draped over my body in such a way that… it didn’t resemble a sock puppet. It was more like a cactus with no arms, or a delicious creamsicle, or cauliflower.



To replicate the flat top of a sock puppet, I stuffed a pillow inside the sock and balanced it on my head. That gave the sock the necessary shape to create the illusion of puppetry. Then I punched a hole in the mouth area for seeing, and I was set.



And voila!


A giant


creepy


socky


puppet.



This ended up being a very uncomplicated costume, except for the getting everything situated. The inexactness of the pillow placement and having to balance it made it kind of an endeavor to get everything in its right place. But once it was all aligned, it looked as good as I had hoped. One downside to the costume was HEAT. The material I ended up getting for the sock was fleece. I wore a pillow on my head. I give off HEAT. All that heat just stayed inside the sock with me. Stewing in my own funk. Mercy me it got so hot.


On the contrary, a cool thing about the costume was: anonymity! I went to a friend’s Halloween gathering. At said gathering, I maybe knew 3 or 4 people. Everyone else met me as a giant sock puppet. I got to have conversations with several people that had no idea what I looked like. There was something fun and liberating about that. Be anonymous. It’s good for your self esteem.



Saturday, June 20, 2015

Turn Down For This

I’m always up-to-date on pop culture trends. Always. Recently, a song that has made some waves/hit some waves has been the smash hit of Lil John, “Turn Down for What?”


The song is a crazy rappy beaty mix song with effects and lyrics. The chorus of the song features Lil John in his signature gravel throat glarbling, shouting angrily at everyone a question for the ages, “Turn Down for What?”


You know what, that’s not fair. I say shouting angrily, but I don’t necessarily know that. As a man who has been misunderstood for decades, of a race that has been misunderstood for millennia, I can’t stand by and misrepresent. Lil John is probably a really decent guy. A quick internet scour teaches us that his name is actually Jonathan Smith! That’s the name of a hard-working American man! He was born in January! Lots of people are! He went to Saint Joseph’s University in Philadelphia, which is famous for…! ...something, probably! The man has at least a partial college education and is therefore intelligent and respectful and courteous. Clearly he is a normal guy.


After having learned so much about the man behind the glarbles, I’ve come to suspect that Lil Jon’s seemingly crunk and abrasive “Turn Down for What?” is a genuine inquiry—a social commentary of crunk proportions. So I’ve created a list of things that a normal guy like Lil Jon and his friends could/should/would obviously turn down for, presented the necessity or opportunity.


Things that Lil Jon would probably turn down for:


his neighbors maybe trying to fall asleep
AIDS
kony 2012
little kids who made a lemonade stand
an old lady crossing the street
baby birds chirping in a nearby tree
the sound of children’s laughter
encouraging words from a loved one
reruns of Gilmore Girls
a proposition for means by which to rid ourselves of social injustice
peaceful sit-ins
the new Daughtry album
Lectures on speculative capital
ways to end impoverishment in inner cities
Youth hospitals
Tea time
Fundraisers
Patriotism
Mutual respect and understanding
Hugs not drugs
A game of Yahtzee
the Industrial revolution
Maritime poetry
Love at first sight
PSAs
the silence of the xi
Girl Scout Cookies
hopefully a funeral
A twilight promenade
Sea slugs
Philosophical quandaries
Mr. Holland's Opus
diplomatic discourse
public transportation
a Shake Weight
The secret menu at Jamba Juice
smart financial planning
childhood dreams
a round of Bop-It
The Fault in our Stars
His mother


And this is just to name a few. Lil Jon’s a reasonable guy, albeit a bit crunk. But crunkness doth not beget bunkness. So let’s not jump to conclusions when presented things in even the crunkliest of packages. Lil Jon realizes exactly what’s most important in life because he’s not afraid to ask the hard-hitting questions.

We know what we would turn down for. Do you?