I’m always up-to-date on pop culture trends. Always. Recently, a song that has made some waves/hit some waves has been the smash hit of Lil John, “Turn Down for What?”
The song is a crazy rappy beaty mix song with effects and lyrics. The chorus of the song features Lil John in his signature gravel throat glarbling, shouting angrily at everyone a question for the ages, “Turn Down for What?”
You know what, that’s not fair. I say shouting angrily, but I don’t necessarily know that. As a man who has been misunderstood for decades, of a race that has been misunderstood for millennia, I can’t stand by and misrepresent. Lil John is probably a really decent guy. A quick internet scour teaches us that his name is actually Jonathan Smith! That’s the name of a hard-working American man! He was born in January! Lots of people are! He went to Saint Joseph’s University in Philadelphia, which is famous for…! ...something, probably! The man has at least a partial college education and is therefore intelligent and respectful and courteous. Clearly he is a normal guy.
After having learned so much about the man behind the glarbles, I’ve come to suspect that Lil Jon’s seemingly crunk and abrasive “Turn Down for What?” is a genuine inquiry—a social commentary of crunk proportions. So I’ve created a list of things that a normal guy like Lil Jon and his friends could/should/would obviously turn down for, presented the necessity or opportunity.
Things that Lil Jon would probably turn down for:
his neighbors maybe trying to fall asleep
AIDS
kony 2012
little kids who made a lemonade stand
an old lady crossing the street
baby birds chirping in a nearby tree
the sound of children’s laughter
encouraging words from a loved one
reruns of Gilmore Girls
a proposition for means by which to rid ourselves of social injustice
peaceful sit-ins
the new Daughtry album
Lectures on speculative capital
ways to end impoverishment in inner cities
Youth hospitals
Tea time
Fundraisers
Patriotism
Mutual respect and understanding
Hugs not drugs
A game of Yahtzee
the Industrial revolution
Maritime poetry
Love at first sight
PSAs
the silence of the xi
Girl Scout Cookies
hopefully a funeral
A twilight promenade
Sea slugs
Philosophical quandaries
Mr. Holland's Opus
Mr. Holland's Opus
diplomatic discourse
public transportation
a Shake Weight
The secret menu at Jamba Juice
smart financial planning
childhood dreams
a round of Bop-It
The Fault in our Stars
His mother
And this is just to name a few. Lil Jon’s a reasonable guy, albeit a bit crunk. But crunkness doth not beget bunkness. So let’s not jump to conclusions when presented things in even the crunkliest of packages. Lil Jon realizes exactly what’s most important in life because he’s not afraid to ask the hard-hitting questions.
We know what we would turn down for. Do you?
