Prancesteps to Becoming a Basilisk

Time for more Arts & Crafts fun!  I will be your host because....  it’s my blog.  And I’m feeling crafty. Today:  Harry Potter costume party.  Check it out.

A friend of mine recently caused a brouhaha by blazoning ‘bout a birthday bash.  Theme?  BHarry BPotter.

My mind pranced about the possibilities of all the mystical creatures or characters I could choose to dress as:  The Boy Who Lived, one of those weird things from the third book, the badger on the Hufflepuff crest, a resurrection stone, a Weasley because I have red hair (if you thought that already, -10 points to your house)...

But instead I made the obvious choice and decided to be the basilisk. Practicality, functionality, and logical thought patterns aside, this is probably the best costume you could come up with.


My mind began to prance anew as I mulled over the different ways I could recreate such a horrifying creature.  But recreate it I did.  Behold my mind’s prancesteps:

Basilisk Ingredients:

• 1 milk carton (gallon)
• 2-3 notecards
• varying colors of paint
• floss or string
• tape
• A Basilisk-colored bed sheet
• No desire to use your arms for any duration of time

Prancestep 1:  Face Time


Time to face it.  You start off with a gallon of milk carton, sans milk.  Unless you want things to get really exciting.  And wet.  Chop that sucker in half like so:

Once the sucker is chopped, then comes the paint.  Apply the desired basilisk-colored paint to the chopped sucker.  Let that layer dry.  Then you can paint the eyessss.  Let that layer dry.  Then you can paint the pupilsss.  You’re looking like a basilisk already.

Once the paint has all dried up, it’s time for some dental work—without even going to dental school.  Dreams do come true.  Cut the notecards into pointy, fang-shaped fang shapes.  Then with the magic of tape, tape them so they’re hanging from the inside of the face in a menacing pattern.  Then put that on your résumé and consider getting a job as a dental hygienist.  Probably never seen someone who has worked with a basilisk before.  ...and/or lived to put it on their résumé.

After you get home from your foray into the world of dentistry, it’s time to continue.  Drill some holes in the back of each of the basilisk’s jaws.  Just like you do with your patients, I’m sure.  Then, stick a piece of floss (or string if spearmint’s not your thing) through each hole and tie it on.  

When you’re ready to suit up, you simply put the top of the head on top of your head, and the bottom on bottom.  Of your head.  You then tie the flosses on each side together so the head is securely mounted on your head.  Like so:

Prancestep 2:  Rock that bod


Time for the finishing touches.  All you do is wrap a musty old $2 dollar sheet around your body and it’s like you’ve transformed into another creature entirely.  Look, smell, feel—you are authentic as can be.  It’s like you really have been sliding your body across the ground for an undisclosed amount of time without bathing.  Congratulations.  

So there you have it.  That’s how you become a basilisk.  Now all that’s left to do is find an entourage and go enjoy your evening.  It’s going to be a blast!  No one will look you in the eye, you won’t be able to touch anything, and the smell of the old sheet will stick to you for days as you sweat up a storm and it all soaks into your skin.  Also, make sure no one tries to stab you through the head or extract your real teeth.  If they do, you don’t have arms to stop them. 

 

Good luck and may the force be with you.

Vantage

An experience I found to be noteworthy for reflective purposes:

I recently attended my brother’s wedding in Portland, a city that is infamous for its much raining and cloudiness.  After only a few brief reprieves from the clouds all weekend, I was feeling pretty tired when the time came to go back home.  The day I was to catch my return flight was overcast from the time we got up in the morning to the time I boarded the plane.  As we ascended, I caught the occasional glimpse of the cityscape as it sunk further beneath, causing what once were individual buildings and landmarks to blend together into one neatly industrialized patch.  It is a much prettier city than I had previously given it credit for, both from ground-level and a bird’s-eye view.  But, despite the august scene unfolding below, I proceeded to sink back into my seat, still feeling mildly gloomy.  After a few more minutes, the earth had disappeared completely as we entered the cloudy blanket that hung over the city.  This seemed to me like as a good a time as any for a nap.  As I sat there, eyes closed and peaceful, I was suddenly surprised to find myself tightening my eyelids to keep out a burst of sunlight from without the window.  I came to and glanced about the cabin, which was now filled with sunshine.  To my curiosity, my tiredness seemed to vanish with the cloud cover; I was actually feeling a bit chipper now.  My gaze was drawn once again out the window and I beheld the clouds, this time from above.  The sunlight glistened off the flocculent surface below, accentuating its fluffy texture.  They stretched far off into the distance, finally converging with the azure sky in a makeshift horizon.  What once caused the day to seem so heavy and woebegone had transformed into something beautiful and majestic.  Or had they transformed?  After all, these were the same clouds that had been there all day...  The sun shone brighter than ever, causing me to forget that it had ever been absent in the first place.  Or was it ever absent?  On second thought, neither of these things had changed at all.  Really, the only thing that had changed was the way, or the perspective from which, I was looking at them.

I probably wasn’t very cryptic in my redaction of the event, so I’ll be brief.  Often times, life, or the situations in which we find ourselves, can get bleak.  But no life stays cloudy forever.  And even if it seems to stay that way for a long time, the mere presence of cloud cover doesn’t mean that the sun has extinguished or failed to give its light.  We simply must learn to see in a different light.  Doing so doesn’t put us out of touch with reality.  Quite the opposite, in fact.  I’d say it keeps us in touch with reality.   No matter what our surroundings may be, the sun never stops shining.  There's always hope and better days are ahead.  Sometimes we just have to change our vantage point to see it.  Considering and changing one’s vantage gives one the advantage.

Phraseology

This will be another geek-out post about language stuff.  In a recent fit of curiosity over an idiomatic expression, I turned to the source of all knowledge:  the internet.  But what google found for me far exceeded my expectations.  Feast your eyes on this little number:




Now look at what google found:

http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/index.html

It’s a website--with phrases and idioms!  It’s essentially a dictionary for idiomatic expressions.  You can search keywords, search by beginning letter, and there’s even a thesaurus!  This site is the cat’s pajamas.  Or the bee’s knees if you prefer, which I usually do.  Use it the same you would either of those things.

Think Tank, Pt. 1

It seems that lately I’ve been doing a lot of heavy reading.  Intellectually heavy.  I just keep coming across these articles and quotes and things that get the ole wheels a turnin’.  Although I suppose that’s a good thing, seeing as how my brain hasn’t been quite as sharp since school got out.  It took me 3 tries to remember how to properly write a capital G a few weeks ago.  Senility sets in quickly.  But!  I thought I would share some of them, as I feel like I learned a great deal from each one after giving them some extra mulling.  So here’s some reading and you can mull it yourself, if you’re interested:

This is a blog post by a man who is gay and his wife, to whom he has been happily married for 10 years.  Let me preface this by stating that this is in no way an implication as to how I think people should live their personal lives.  I did, however, find it to be beautifully written and an exemplary piece on relationships, priorities, and sacrifice.  I feel it also presents a completely new and interesting perspective on a very controversial topic:

http://www.joshweed.com/2012/06/club-unicorn-in-which-i-come-out-of.html

A graduation speech in which the speaker informed the graduates that they were nothing special.  I think this was good for them to hear, as I worry that certain aspects of our individualistic society have the tendency to engender a sense of entitlement and false expectations:

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/high-school-graduation-speaker-tells-students-not-special-145709954.html

A quote from a wise man:

"Never before have so many been educated in the learning of the world. With so much knowledge available, one would think that the world might well be near a state of perfection. Yet we are constantly made aware of the other side of the coin - Each day we are made increasingly aware of the fact that life is more than science and mathematics, more than history and literature. There is need for another education, without which the substance of secular learning may lead only to destruction. I refer to the education of the heart, of the conscience, of the character, of the spirit—these indefinable aspects of our personalities which determine so certainly what we are and what we do in our relationships one with another."

- President Gordon B. Hinckley

A quote from another wise man:

“I have learned that … if we live our lives right, when we reach the end of one phase the Lord has already given us all of the tools, talents, and abilities necessary to take on the next phase of life.”

-Past/Future Roomie

The next two are on the same subject, and this is probably going to get more treatment in a forthcoming blog post.  The first was a book review I read on a recent plane ride.  The book, titled The Woman Who Changed Her Brain, was written on the emerging science of neuroplasticity, which postulates that we, through changes in behavior, thinking, etc., can change the way our brain functions.  I found it fascinating and I’ve been toying with the idea of how my newfound interest in the subject could affect future plans and whatnot.  But I digress.  The second is simply the wikipedia page on neuroplasticity.  Come and learn:

http://usairwaysmag.com/articles/the_woman_who_changed_her_brain/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuroplasticity

This may become a regular thing.  We’ll see.

Freelance A Lot

I recently got tabbed* to do some translation work for a friend of mine for some research they’re participating in.  The job basically involves translating some consent and information forms into Spanish.  There are enough pages to keep me busy for a while.

This is noteworthy because this is my first legit translation job.  Like an actual job.  Translating.  And I feel legit.  Revel with me for a moment.  

…

Now that you’ve reveled for a moment (with me), let’s up the coolness:  It’s also freelance.  Revel again, if you wish.  Freelance translator.  This means that I get to do it from wherever tickles me.  And the place that is currently tickling me is in my living room with my feet up, penguin slippers on, pants optional, listening to my last.fm mix radio and getting ready to listen in on a live stream of the MLB draft.  Silent Night by Boyz II Men just came on and I think I might want some yogurt.  

I could get used to this.

* Author’s note:  After I wrote this blogpost, I was looking for fun things to link to, as is my custom.  I thought there might be something fun to do with the phrase ‘got tabbed.’  So I typed that exact phrase into google images to see what I could find.  Google was kind enough to read my mind and correct my obvious mistake as ‘got stabbed’ without verifying with me first.  Imagine my surprise as I was exposed to a slew of horrific images upon hitting the enter key.  Suffice it to say I was no longer motivated to look for fun things to link to.

White By Association

So over the course of the last couple of weeks, I had been surprised to notice that my teeth seemed to be getting whiter.  This was a pleasant surprise, as it was something that I had always wanted:  whenever possible, I use the tooth-whitening toothpaste, tooth-whitening mouthwash, white-out, etc., for just that purpose.  Every time I smiled into a reflective surface, it caught me off guard.  I even made myself blush a few times.  I began to revere my new toothpaste, as I had just switched to a different kind.  This kind actually worked.

 
It wasn’t until last night that I realized what was really happening.  See, there’s this thing called summer.  'Tis a season.  It occurs because of this thing called the sun.  This ‘sun’ gives off rays and heat and stuff which have been scientifically proven to make things hot.  Things like objects and people and their skin.  More of these rays and heat reach the earth during the summer, resulting in more hot.  When ray absorption results in more-hot skin for an extended period of time, the skin turns darker:  a tan.  Maybe you’ve heard of it.  Turns out I have recently passed through this chain of seasonal events and have ended up with one of these tans.  Therefore, after intensive research, I have come to the conclusion that my teeth were not actually whiter, but merely appeared to be in contrast to the slightly darkerness of my skin.  My teeth were simply white by association.  Consider my bubble burst.  Although I suppose I shouldn’t complain, seeing as how a tan on any part of this ginger little bod of mine is no small accomplishment.  We’ll call it a wash for now.

PS:  Yes, the picture is me.

Word Nerd

This summer I’m studying for the GRE.  Exciting, huh?

Actually, yeah.  For me, at least.  Well.  Partially.

 I really like words.  A large section of the GRE deals with:  you got it.  Woooords.  This means that in preparation for this all-important test, I get to learn lots and lots of new vocabulary and word structure and prefixes and suffixes and roots and I’m giddy as a schoolgirl.  Maybe even giddier.  As we speak/you read, I’m sitting here trying to figure out ways that I can make the optimal flash cards for all of my new words to carry with me and study as I walk across campus.  Nerdy?  Possibly.  Meritorious?  Palmary?  Sagacious?  Politic?  Copacetic?  Sapient?  Perspicacious?  Pulchritudinous?  Indubitably.