I’ve often been told throughout my life that I can be anything I put my mind to. After a number and variety of crippling failures, I’ve come to face the bitter reality that that’s simply not true. *sob* Give me a minute…
*clears throat* But I have found a loophole, and, after all, that’s what life is all about: finding loopholes so we can continue to justify living and believing how and what we want instead of facing reality. The loophole in question is Halloween. Every year, on this purportedly hallowed ween, you can be, if just for one night, whatever is within the reach of your imagination and means...
Cue another edition of Arts & Crafts!
I love me some Halloween action. Mostly because I love coming up with and making my costume. If you’re brave enough to peruse my blog (MostlySFW), you’ll find ghosts of Halloween Past. Not specifically ghosts, but costumes. My blog is not haunted. (probably) Most years, I think up my costume early, like sometimes by the summertime sometime. This year was a bit later, but I’m happy with how it turned out. My costume? A totem pole. Would you like to see how I made it? Step into my office.
Prep work
Research. For those who don’t know, totem poles are structures carved from trees by indigenous peoples of the Pacific Northwest.
They were created usually to commemorate legends, beliefs, lineages, or notable events. I am indigenous to the Pacific Northwest. And in seeking to create my costume and continue my Halloween tradition, I was commemorating both a legend and a lineage of Halloween costumes which came before. I found this very fitting, like hopefully my costume would be.
From a design standpoint, totem poles usually consist of a pole and totems. These totems are groups of figures or characters stacked one upon another, forming a tower of sorts. The most prominent feature of each figure is the face. Sometimes the face is the only feature of each character that is displayed. They also boast some sweet designs and accoutrements. Therefore:
Pole position
The first thing I had to do was give myself the illusion of a pole. Poles are like this l . Humans are more like this o-+––< My body is kind of like a pole, but then I have all of these pesky limbs and stuff that totally throw it off. So to reestablish polarity, I had to sever my limbs. Metaphorically. In reality, I just had to fuse all of me together. Instant pole.
To do this, I bought a fabric in which to swaddle myself. When wrapped properly, the fabric hid the fact that I have separate legs; when I was done, no one would have suspected it. To add to the totemnity of my pole, I looked for a fabric that sported a Native American-inspired design. And I found one:
Personal totems
On a totem pole, the next definingest feature to the poles is the totems. Totems in most cases are faces. Totems in this case would also be faces. My face, to be exact.
I stood in the bathroom and took a series of pictures of myself, like a teenage girl. I made a different face in each one, unlike a teenage girl. Once I had gotten a gaggle of faces that I found satisfactory, I took them to a local print shop to have them printed off. Before doing so, I asked the deskman how frequently people printed off weird things there. Deskman told me that people did it all the time. I don’t know if she was being honest or if she just wanted me to print them off so she could laugh at whatever came out. I left that shop with a stack of papers with my own face on them.
I cut out my faces, which was a surreal and terrifying experience. After regaining a sense of reality, and once decapitated from the paper, I attached the faces down my front at equally-spaced intervals.
Wing thing
A stylistic element I added was wings. Some totem poles have wings, and I’ve always wanted wings. To create the wings, I bought poster board and markers that resembled wings. I then did a little bit of research on Native American designs, and began to draw and color and cut. After a while, a finished product was finished.
I detached my arms from the rest of my body and used an ancient Native American technique to attach the wings to my detached arms (tape).
Accoutrements
To emphasize my Native Americanness, I found a few more accessories. First was a ribbon with a pattern. I used it as a headband and wristbands.
Next was a thing. I don’t know what to call it. But it is a thing that looks like this:
We'll call it a dangle strip. I attached these around my ankles. Last but not least was a cheap pair of moccasin slippers.
Totem Pole
And the final totem pole:
This is me as a totem pole.
I enjoyed this costume thoroughly. Only a few caveats: It was hard to go anywhere when outfitted as a pole. Poles have/are just one leg, which makes it impossible to walk by definition. This particular pole had wings. But they were fake wings, which meant no flying. On top of that, they make it quite difficult to grip and maneuver a steering wheel. If you've ever had wings before, you know what I'm talking about. Also, people try to carve things into you. Whether it was their initials or those of their significant other or both in a mathematical equation of sorts, I was never keen on the idea and had to disappoint several times. But aside from that, being a pole is cool. Sometimes people wouldn’t know which face to talk to, but that can be seen as a plus. If ever I said something inappropriate or awkward, there was always another face to blame. Also if I needed to escape any other socially-tense situations, I could just assume pole position and people would think I was an actual totem pole. Finely crafted.
And when all was said and done, wings make a nice addition to any and all home decor.
Native Americans know.
