Double Dispension

Guys.  Let me tell you about my new favorite thing.  But let me start by explaining one of my least favorite things:  automatic paper towel dispensers (or PTDs for short).  They bug.  And they bug hard.  I don’t know what it is...  Oh wait.  Yes I do.  I use more than one paper towel to dry my hands and I hate having to wait for the second one.  There’s always that moment after the churning starts and the paper towel slowly emerges and you tear it off that you have to wait almost forever to get another one.  If you don’t give the sensor enough time to recover from the first dispensing, you shan’t get another.  It doesn't matter how much you shake and wave your hand under it.  Trust me.  I know.  So sorry to wear you out, dispenser.  So then you have to remove your hand, wait almost for forever a second time and then replace it so the churning can start up once again as another paper towel takes its sweet time rollin' on out the box.  All the while, your hands await relief from their moistly dripping state.  Crap.  All of it.  And it happens every time.  It’s like when you’re waiting for someone to unlock the door of a car so you can get in.  After waiting a second, you start to question whether they’ve already done it and maybe you just didn’t hear it so you lift up on the handle and it’s always just as they hit the unlock button.  Every time.  And then you have to wait.  And your friends get mad at you.  Just like the paper towel dispenser.  Well except that last part.  Unless you bring your friends to the bathroom with you.  Well I guess not really the first part either...  Anyway.  It makes going to the bathroom a terrifying experience.


So now the good news.  Guess what my work did.  Upgraded the bathroom.  In what way?  By going from regular PTDs to automatic PTDs.  But what about your freshly-finished rant, Kameron?  I’ll tell you what about it.  There are two automatic PTDs.  

That’s right.  Two.  One less than is needed to form a company.  The perfect amount of wheels in a relationship.  The minimum number of thirds that makes Meatloaf satisfied with a set of results.  The loneliest number since the loneliest number that you’ll ever do.  Also the perfect amount of paper towels needed to dry one’s hands.  And they’re right next to each other.  And the awesome thing about this is that you don’t have to do the annoying waiting game after you get that first towel.  You just activate both of them at the same time and get two for the wait of one.  But wait—there's more!  Not only do you get the perfect amount of towels without having to wait, you look so cool while doing it!  Just walk up, place yourself perfectly in between the two automatic PTDs, rub your hands in preparation, reach out in a cool way to set off both of the dispensers, strike a cool pose while waiting and then reach out and tear them both off at the same time.  The double rip makes it sound loud and powerful, which makes you look strong and powerful.  And then you just dry off your hands and go.  You just saved yourself about 2 seconds.  Don’t spend them all in one place.  Really the only downside to this is that, by nature of the venue, there are no individuals of the opposite gender around to see how cool you look.  Although also by nature of the venue, that could be considered a good thing.  Isn’t technology great?  So if you want to see what cool looks like, just come visit me at work and I’ll take you to the bathroom with me.  I won’t take no for an answer.